From Chaos to Cooperation: How the ABC Approach Can Transform Your Parenting

 

 

Let’s be honest—most parents have raised their voices at some point. Even those of us who try our best to stay calm sometimes end up shouting out of sheer frustration. And while hitting is becoming less common in modern parenting, yelling still lingers like a bad habit.

But here’s the truth: yelling doesn’t build better behavior—it often breaks it down. Research shows that frequent shouting can harm children emotionally, leading to anxiety, low self-esteem, and more defiant behavior. In fact, one study found that yelling can be as damaging as physical punishment in the long run.

So how do we correct our kids without hurting them?

Let me introduce you to a simple but powerful parenting framework: the ABC Approach. It’s not about yelling louder—it’s about being clearer, more consistent, and genuinely encouraging.

A is for Antecedent: Set the Stage for Success

Instead of reacting to your child’s behavior after the fact, try giving a clear instruction before it happens. This might sound like, “When you get home later, can you put your shoes in the basket?” Simple, specific, and proactive.

Why it works: Kids do better when they know what’s expected before they make a mistake.

B is for Behavior: Model What You Want to See

Children watch what we do more than they listen to what we say. If we want them to be respectful, responsible, or organized, we have to live it ourselves.

Put your shoes away when you come in. Say thank you when someone helps. Follow through on routines. Over time, those little habits sink in deeper than lectures ever could.

C is for Consequence: Reinforce the Good, Not Just the Bad

Here’s where most of us miss the mark—we tend to only comment when something goes wrong. But kids thrive on attention, so let’s give more of it when they do things right.

And don’t just say “good job.” Be specific and animated! Try this: “You remembered to put your shoes away without a reminder—amazing job!” Say it with a smile, give a high-five or hug, and make them feel like they just won a prize.

It might feel a bit silly at first—but to your child, it’s golden. This kind of praise teaches them that their actions have positive effects and encourages them to repeat them.

Why the ABCs Work

This method isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. You’re creating a home where clear communication, consistent modeling, and meaningful encouragement take the lead.

The ABC Approach helps shift the focus from correction to connection. And when kids feel understood and supported, they’re much more likely to listen, cooperate, and grow into emotionally healthy adults.

 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi. Educator. Learning Specialist. Family Coach. Father. Husband. 

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